Never Ever Have I Ever
by Genus Fatali
Summary: Oohhh.. everything starts out via the game 'Never Ever Have I Ever'don't worry, this won't all be fluff! :P even if it IS under 'Romance'
1. Lalalalala WHAT?

Never Ever Have I Ever 

A Slam Dunk ficcie! My first! ^^

First of all I shall give you all what you've been waiting for!!! +brandishes a marker and a white board+ the disclaimer!!! ^^

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Slam Dunk.. I don't even own a single VCD of it.. I'm writing a disclaimer of it.. Besides.. I wouldn't be writing this if I DID own it would I? I'd prolly be parading it around yelling about my ultra drool worthy set of characters! ^-^;; Ehehe.. Anyways, on with the story!!!!!

**Prologue: Great job, dunderhead!**

"I'm late, I'm late, I'M LATE!!!!!!!"  I yelled as I rushed through the really long patch of yucky brown ground to reach the front of the building. This was not a good way to start off my day. Oh well, at least there aren't any people. The perks of being late…

Okay, you can stop running now, you're late anyway and being just a little bit later won't affect your grade, since you're basically late anyway. That's right keep talking to yourself like a deranged idiot, Saisho, keep talking. Besides, it isn't as if you're in the Amazing Race or something, it doesn't affect what time you leave for school.

Ooh… I'm now nearing my assigned torture chamber! Ok, step inside, maybe the sensei will forgive you and stuff, just flash your pearly whites and you're all set. 

Alright I've now opened the door, pearly whites and all. Whoosh… okay, what is that sound? +whooshhhh+ It sounds like… _silence_

Right, opening your eyes would probably help you in seeing stuff you want to see, Saisho…

_What? Nooooooooo! You're not supposed to show up THIS early in the school year!!!_

_Aw, how can you NOT miss your conscience, Saisho? I'm practically the ONLY person you talk to! If I could beam with my intangibility and all, I would!_

_Oh, just shut up… Hey, wait… d'you know why there aren't any people in class?_

_I'm going to shrug and let you do the thinking, honestly! I didn't think you were this dumb, Saisho!_

_Ah, shut thy mouth!_

Consciences, BAH! Anyways, here I am standing at the gateway to the chamber of migraines and what do I see? Nothing! Make that no one! People are SUPPOSED to show up for school! That's what a school is for, an institution for learning! Where PEOPLE interact and… LEARN! Dargnabit, even teachers don't bother showing up to school, now? Stupid!

Suddenly there's this little bit of sound in the hallway and I, being the curious, mystery loving, thrill seeking… Oh fine, nosy little ol' me went and checked the thing out, and found… Nada, zero, zilch, absolutely nothing.

"What're you doing here?" a weird, almost disembodied voice asked. Me, being the coward that I am, shrieked before I turned thinking, I don't wanna die.. don't kill me yet and all that bunk. Thankfully, it was just the janitor. Heh. A janitor, that's probably what I'll become when I grow up. For as my father once said 

_"Juvenile delinquents NEVER succeed in life, so they grow up to be janitors!" _

Oh, yeah, great saying dad, I can just see it now, me and this cadaverous janitor working side by side, arguing whether this type of wax is better than the other, blowing a mist of our gaseous excretion on mirrors to give 'em that extra sparkle. What a dreamy life… NOT.

Of course juvenile delinquents don't grow into sparkly business suit type people either! We are the new hope for logic, the science of reason! We are Aristotle, Plato and Socrates reborn! We are their spawn, the children of Philosophy, the path makers of new discoveries and smart aleck sayings. We are the JD's of the WORLD! We…

"Like I said kid, while you were rambling on about plates and stuff, there ain't no school today, it's Saturday…"

I blinked once. Twice. Thrice. "Oh, Saturday? Right… must be my mistake then… I kinda forgot to set my calendar and all so, that's why I'm here and I really should buy a new clock, don't you think? It gives me the wrong date! Heh heh! Well.. I'll be going home now…"  Great job, Saisho, great job…

A/N:

 So? What'd you all think? I just wrote and posted this on impulse.. hee! If you think it sucks straight to hell, then tell me! Any review would be good! Flame or not.. 

Besides, if it's a flame, I'll just put on my Red Ring! W/ Fireproof equipped! Okay, if you've played FF10 or any of the Final Fantasy series, you'd get it. ^^;

Anyways, I'm still gonna change it, so, any review you give now would be most appreciated. You got any sarcastic and slapstick jokes? Then by all means donate them to this poor apprentice author! ^-^

Oh, and sorry about the lack of italics in the previous one. Hee!

Well, that's it! Hugs and Kisses! Ja matta ne!


	2. The Sheer Idiocracy

Chapter 1: … do'ahou… 

The shame, oh, the SHAME!" I kept screaming for all of Kanagawa to hear while I walked back to the condo. Some old woman looked at me strangely and I graced her with my I'm-a-crazy-dork grin. She ran like Phidippides on his er, last trip to Marathon.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. I could've straightened out my room today, I could've gone to the mall, I could've, I could've skipped through the park or bought ice cream today! But nooooooo, school was just too exciting for me to miss. So I just had to go to school on a Saturday. On a _SATURDAY…_

Honestly, I can be such a ditz sometimes, I could be part of the… er… that basketball guy's brigade! I can see it now…

_Saisho: Um, like, hi! I'm Kuchizuke Saisho, and uh, like, can I, like, join your team?_

_Ru: You want to join the LOVE! Rukawa brigade? Like, that's so, like…um.. cool!_

_Wa: Hey! Shouldn't there like, be a… a inischeeyeashun or something like that?+ looks smug because shesays  this really hard word+_

_Ka: Yeah! An inischeeyeashun! +thinks+ _what's an inischee… grr.. what was that, uh, word again?

Saisho: Ohmigaw! Like, a party? +eyes shine happily+ 

Wa: No.. an inischeeyeashun, like.. uh…a.. thingy that teachers give you so they can, like, tell if you're smart and stuff. Like, duh! +looks smug again+

(suddenly Rukawa pedals onto the scene and the 3 Rukawa girls start going crazy)

Ru Ka and Wa: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! Rukawa! RUKAWA! L-O-V-E RUKAWA!  AAHHHHHH! +does the cheer in front of hundreds of people+

Saisho: Uh, that's Rukawa? I was like, thinking he was that extremely hot guy? with the cool hair?

Ru Ka and Wa: + death glares+ That's it! You're  kicked out!

Saisho: +blinks stupidly+ oh, okay then.

AHHHHHHHH!!! I'm not going to be like them! I'm normal! I'm a normal ditz! Aha.. ahaha… ahahaha… Okay, I'm freaking myself out… that's not a very good thing… But, phooey! Besides.. who was this Rukawa guy? I've finally figured his name out… but that's all.  Tuh, no sense figuring that out. I don't even like him. Now Sendoh-kun is a different story. Hey, maybe I can catch him while he's practicing! I thought as I ran to my house to change.

~**~~**~~**~ 

"Sendoh-kun, Sendoh-sempai, Sendoh-sama, Sendoh, Sendoh, Sendoh!" I half squealed half giggled all in one humongous breath of air. I took a quick glance around, people were staring. 

"It's really nor polite to stare you know!" I snapped at them. Well, it isn't really polite to snap at people you hardly know but, whatever... and so the boring-but-extremely-nosy-people of Kanagawa resumed whatever it was that they were doing.

I started walking again, but when I did, I saw this old woman shooting me 'The Almighty Glare of Disapproval'. I contemplated sticking my tongue out at her but decided against it. I mean, why should I contaminate my tongue AND mouth with airborne bacteria just so I can receive another one of her Tuh!-Teenagers-Are-So-Disrespectful-Glares. So, I decided to bite my tongue instead. Literally.

 "OOOWLLLLLLLCCCHHHHHHL!!!!!! "

I heard myself scream. I must have woken up half of Kanagawa by now. Heh. Serves them right. Blagh. Must remember, if one bites one's tongue, it shall hurt… very, very much. Needless to say, I was in a very foul mood for the rest of my walk.

As I reached the door of the gym where Sendoh-sama +little hearts pop out+ trains, I opened the door. That was when I realized, as the door swung back to it's original position, that this dribble wasn't Sendoh-sempai's. His dribble went more like Thudda-Thud-Thudda This dribble went more like… Thud-Thudda-Thudda mean everyone has a special dribble and… anyways, this was NOT Sendoh-sempai's dribble and as I turned the little wall, I noticed that it was indeed NOT Sendoh-sama.

 It was some guy with bluish-black hair instead. 

Said blue haired guy was currently shooting 3 pointers while drinking from this sports bottle he held by the mouth. 

Suddenly, 3-pointer guy turned around, took out a foil wrapped pack of Mentos™ and popped one in his mouth. 

I was immediately reminded of one of those cheesy Mentos commercials and I know it sounds silly, but I took a quick look around to verify whether I had stepped onto a set or something. Seeing no cameras or any trace of equipment needed to shoot a commercial, I asked

"Where's Sendoh-san?" taking both him AND me by surprise. Mentos™ guy grinned after a while and held the pack up in an inviting way. I was tempted to whip my head back to see if there really WAS a camera behind me, while he just grinned like crazy. Finally, after what seemed like hours, he kept the packet & swallowed. 

"He's not here." He answered "Well, duh, Einstein! If he was here, I wouldn't be looking for him, now would?!?" I bit out exasperatedly. Honestly, dumb people annoy me, straight into the very dark and evil depths of my black, black heart.

Then, 'Mentos Man' shrugged and said "Wouldn't you rather see ME play instead" the he grinned that stupid Mentos grin again. I nearly decide to decorate the gym floor with the multi-colored stuff that I ate for breakfast. Blagh, arrogant  Mentos Man.

Spluttering a bit, I informed him and his pathetic excuse for a brain "Look, I," I pointed myself so he would get it 

"Just want to see Sendoh-san PLAY! Is that too much to ask?" I started out thinking that I should enunciate each and every word so his turtle-like brain could process what I was talking about, but as usual, I got all wound up and the words just flew out of my big, big mouth. I was about to launch into another verbal attack when he shrugged, looked at me and said 

"Fine, your loss." That made me decide to kill him right there and then. 

"Besides," he continued before I could stalk out for that pretty shovel I had seen before entering 

"I don't get why you're looking for him here, this is SHOHOKU… He turned towards me again, looked me over and said smugly "You should know, you're from here, right?" I rolled my eyes and responded haughtily 

"And how would YOU know that?" he shrugged, pointed at my chest w/c almost made me go out for that shovel, mind you, and went back to shooting. I looked down. I was sure I had changed out of my uniform and… Oh. Ooooohhhh… I still had my ID on… The cord announced EXACTLY what school I came from in big black letters. How stupid could I get? Ah heck…

As I walked out of the gym, I could still hear the slight thumping of the basketball on the highly polished gym floor. I was taking my ID off when the cord wound itself up and got stuck around my ponytail making my fringe go crazy and therefore obscuring my vision. So here I was, walking half-blind when 

/WHAM!/ 

I stood frozen. 

"Do'ahou" 

Alright it WAS somewhat my fault, but it wasn't THAT big a deal, was it? Finally the stupid cord got freed from my ponytail and I was finally able to see 'Do'ahou' dude/dudette. 

Blinking slightly, I saw that it was a guy who probably looked as cheerful as Marilyn Manson; w/c was to say, NOT. 

"Do'ahou" he said again 

"Don't you 'Do'ahou' ME, you jerk! You bumped into me, or didn't you notice?" 

With that said, I held my head up turned around and promptly walked into a tree. The next thing I knew, I was on the ground, sitting on my rearus endus, my jaw working like a fish out of water. After a few seconds, I looked up; saw the pasty skinned granite person staring down at me.

"WHY, OH WHY AM I SURROUNDED BY THE MOST ANNOYING OF THE MALE SPECIES!!!!" I snarled into the ID I had on.

A/N: 

Ooooh… chappie one? Bah. I can tell that you people either don't care about reading my ficcie or are so bored with it. I'll try to make it better. Really, I will! So, yet another pointless chappie, huh? 

Anyways, if you can give me stuff on what to improve, then that'd be great, eve if it's a flame, cause eitherways, you took the time to bash me, right?? Hee! 

Well, this character sure is freaky… Whatta temper. So, anyways that's it.. review if you wish. Lol! And yes she's so obsessed with Sendoh that she even memorizes the beat of his dribble and no, dribble does NOT mean drool +glares at shanya+


End file.
